“Whenever I feel a little blue, I remind myself to breathe. It makes a big difference!” – Author Unknown
I apologize for the infrequency of my posting. I have been dealing with a staph infection where my ruptured implant was. I have been in the hospital since 2:30 am Thursday. IV antibiotics, Infectious Disease doctors and painful, gross things I don’t want to leave you with mental pictures of. (You really should thank me!). So here I shall be for the next few days, at least until I heal enough to be able to switch to an oral antibiotic.
There are going to be times in everyone’s life when you will be facing something such as a physical illness, emotional or physical pain, a death in your family; sometimes in a violent way. Whatever it is, there will be a few seconds of time that will feel like a fishbowl was placed over your head, and a vacuum is sucking all the air out of your lungs. Your hearing becomes muffled and you are aware of a slowing down of time. Remember to do one simple thing. Breathe. Take a nice slow, gentle inhale and let the air fill your lungs. Hold it for a second, then exhale slowly and controlled.
Immediately you realize you can hear everything going on around you, your vision is crisp and clear. Take another breath. Find a pace that feels comfortable, and be aware of the air traveling in and out of your lungs. It didn’t kill you. That thing that just happened that has been on your list of things you would never survive? Guess what? You just did.
The older I get, the more I realize how much I do not know. When I had the ruptured silicone implant removed on 12/21, I thought I would be sore a few days, and then feel better. Well, It started out that way and I did feel better. Right up until the day they took the drain out. That was on 12/31 and my husband said they took out 3 ft of tubing. 3 feet? How was that possible? Where was it? The tube entrance point was on the side of the breast by the rib. Where the implant was, was maybe 4 inches away. Where did all that tubing go?
The next day I woke up with a high fever and in more pain than I had with my original mastectomy and reconstruction surgery in 2010. I called the surgeon, but since the entrance site of the tube was not oozing, swollen or hot, then I most likely just had a virus. So I suffered through until I noticed Saturday night that while the small opening from the tube had healed nicely, my entire chest wall where the implant had been was very red and burning to the touch. Sunday morning I called my surgeon back and he put me on a strong antibiotic 3 times a day for 10 days. I finally began to notice some improvement at 3am this morning. (Yes I was still awake!) The infected area was a lighter red, not as widespread, and not as hot. I had a fever late this afternoon, but they are farther apart. I am hoping this is a turning point.
Cancer has been an experience in learning. You learn new words, new treatments, and new things your body can do that you never were aware of before. I know myself better now. I know how strong I am because I’ve had to be. This journey has been so hard and there are times I am ready to just go to sleep….. But I have the love of my husband, my daughters, and my friends to give me support and that is why I keep waking up.
I fell this afternoon. I was taking out the garbage and when I stepped down from the garage door I rolled my left ankle and went down onto my right knee. I was scared I had broken my ankle and being alone what would I do? Thankfully I was able to put weight on it. My back twisted so that’s sore and my right leg hurts when I move my knee all along the outside of my calf.
I haven’t fallen in years. I felt stupid, and glad no one saw me. But I was also scared. Was my imbalance caused by a new tumor in my brain, or just me being clumsy? What if I really had broken a bone? Having cancer, you worry about every single pain, bump, or ache. Falling and breaking a bone is a possibility of bone cancer because it makes the bones fragile. What if I fell on my bad arm? I can’t even imagine the pain and damage that would cause. What if I wasn’t able to get up? How long would I lie there before someone found me?
My hubby says if I don’t feel better tomorrow, he is taking me to the orthopedic. My surgery is Monday and I really don’t need any more to worry about.
I am now pretty much confined to sitting on my flat ass, writing, reading a really good book that I will soon be reviewing, and watching hallmark Christmas movies. What a life!
Enjoy your Friday and be careful not to fall.