Well tomorrow will complete my first of 3 weeks of Whole Brain Radiation. I lost 4 pounds from last week which I am glad for but hopefully this isn’t a sign of deterioration. That’s 25 pounds since I entered the hospital on 1/12 with my staph infection. My vitals are good and other than my growing fatigue,some temple and jaw pain, and a dull headache, I am so far so good. The Dr. saw me today and doesn’t expect me to have major side effects which relieves my stress.
I am surrounded by a strong support system which really has helped me so much. It is funny though how the ones the most distant from me whether by distance or just by knowing me, are sometimes the strongest supporters.
Faith has always been a very private matter to me. I believe it is a personal choice who to believe in or not believe in. Those choices are a human right and should be respected and left alone. That said, in my 40’s I began a spiritual journey in search of finding something that would give my life joy and a deeper relationship with my God. I finally feel at home and at peace with my destination, and it strengthens me and gives me peace as I deal with these oncoming issues. I never would have found the inner strength to deal with cancer and my sister’s murder in the past 5 1/2 years, were it not for my faith. Sometimes it is hard to see why God challenges us in numerous ways. But as I reflect back, I can see a glimpse of why things happened the way they did and how they have made myself and my family closer, and better people.
I hope you all find joy and peace in your days and remember that there is always something to be thankful for and to smile about! XO
When I started this blog and was thinking of a name, I wanted something that would be able to encompass the three things I wanted to blog about, writing, books and cancer. I also wanted the title to have some meaning.
Throughout my 5 year journey with breast cancer, there have been many times I have been so fatigued and exhausted from various treatments, that the only thing I could do was read. Reading didn’t require physical exertion, and it helped take my mind off of my pain, nausea, fear, and worries. Reading became a symbol of hope to me. I was able to read about people beating worse diseases than I had, and living a better life than they had before. I could visit times and places where cancer didn’t exist. I could read about new treatments on the horizon for metastatic breast cancer which gave me hope. Most of all, I could read for fun. That was the only fun I could have at the time and I was so thankful that I loved it so much.
Books became my caregivers when I was alone in Philly having radiation for two weeks and couldn’t see my kids. My books kept me from sinking into depression when I felt alone. Old favorites like the Harry Potter Series were reread when I was at my worst because they were so familiar to me, I didn’t need to focus on them. On days I felt strong, I would tackle a heftier subject matter. Whatever it was, it provided me with a distraction during the bad times and made me smile and appreciate what I had when times were better.
Living with Cancer isn’t fun, but I can think of hundreds of worse things to have to deal with in life. I never regretted getting cancer, and I still don’t. I regret how aggressive it is, sure, but I wouldn’t change things. Cancer has made me stronger, it has made me realize what is truly important in my life, and it has been a constant reminder of how short life is and why we shouldn’t take things for granted. I am a better person, a better mother, and a better wife thanks to cancer. As long as I have my books around me, I will be ok.