Today is my husband’s birthday and it is also the day I get back my brain MRI results. For so long I have been focused on how I feel, and how much pain I am or am not in, that it has been the focus of my day. Last night Brian and I had a pretty large argument which made me realize how much stress he has been under throughout the past few months. I mean, the past 5.5 years haven’t been a joy ride, but the past 6 months have been exceptionally hard when you add in my implant rupture and removal, the staph infection, my brain tumors, and my bronchitis. Brian has a lot on his plate too. Yes people can say I have much to deal with, but he has the same worries and fears, plus the added fear and stress of keeping our house running, paying all the bills, putting food on the table, making sure the kids aren’t fighting and are helping around the house, all while dealing with the fear of losing me. I never realized all this until last night and it hit me hard. My family has been extremely strong and supportive throughout this whole ordeal and although I have been grateful for them, I haven’t always put myself in their shoes. I haven’t walked their walk or thought about what they are going through. I feel selfish and I realized how much I need to change.
I am nervous for today’s results. But, I have faith things will work out and I will be able to continue my fight, and give back to the cancer community by writing about my journey through this blog. That has always been my priority in writing this: to teach, and to help others with breast cancer get information and support, and even some laughter. xo