There have been many times in my life, especially since my sister died, that I have said “I should write a book”. I have an idea book that I use to write ideas for story lines and things I think would make a good book. Most of them have gone unwritten, and honestly, the most writing I have done is this blog! I don’t know if it’s a discipline thing or the fact that I get busy doing something else, (who am I kidding, twitter isn’t my job) but I seem to come up with excuses why not to write. Having function only in my left hand, means I can only type with one hand. This slows me down, and most of the books I have started are handwritten because its faster to write. My latest book attempt is actually about my sisters murder but written in a different way. The things my family went through, and the way we were treated by my ex brother-in-laws family are unbelievable. Seriously, everyone who supported my family from the time of Kim’s death until the sentencing have been shocked by what that family has done.
Enough of that, I’ll only become enraged. Anyway, besides the typing, there is the realization of how much I don’t know. I thought I could just start writing the story from the beginning and off I’d go. I never gave thought to editing; other than spell check, or outlining and organizing my plot and characters; grammar rules, of which I remember none of; how to write dialogue; and all the other things I can’t think of because I don’t know about them yet! How does one learn how to write a book? Maybe I should have majored in English instead of Sociology. I mean, what the hell have I done with a Sociology degree? Zip, that’s what.
Even writing this blog has not been easy. It’s hard to come up with a new topic everyday, which is why my postings now have a few days in between. It’s hard to find your “voice”. Writing is like acting. Once you have decided on a style and your voice has been heard, its tough to keep it up. Having stage 4 cancer that has metastasized to my brain and possibly other areas by now, leaves me in pain more often then I would like, and if I wrote about my true feelings this would be a very depressing blog, and no one would read it. So I have to think of something to write that puts on my happy face and pretend I am feeling great.
If you are not a writer, or if you have never attempted to write anything but a college research paper, be careful the next time you think you could write a book, or comment on how easy it would be to be a writer. It isn’t easy, and it isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You will never feel more vulnerable, or stupid in your life. But, it is also very empowering, and freeing. You will learn more about yourself then you thought you could, and this new knowledge can be very cathartic.